I really hope the sudden profusion of visitors googling “stratford on avon BNP” does not reflect voting tendencies. There’s EastEnders (doomed gay love, in a break from doomed mother country) and Outnumbered before Dimbleby et. al. start confirming our worst fears. Our local paper is calling Nadhim Zahawi “the big favourite” amongst our PPCs, which is another way of saying ‘abandon hope all ye who’re hoping to be working-class, gay, university-educated, or a fox in the next five years’.
If you still have the opportunity to vote, take the time to read this list. If you vote for the Conservatives – if you vote any way except directly against the Conservatives, here are some of the things you’ll be voting for (amongst other things):
Money spent on building new nuclear plants.
Continuing war in Afghanistan and Iraq.
A PM, Chancellor and Mayor of London all educated at Eton and Oxford, and members of the Bullingdon Club.
The worst record on LGBT issues of the three major parties: Cameron, remember, voted against gay adoption and lesbian access to IVF.
Existing state schools losing money to build new Swedish-style schools run by companies or parents – the latter will automatically favour wealthier families who have the resources, contacts and time to run a school effectively.
Rising tuition fees.
No chance of electoral reform.
The party that destroyed the miners, supported apartheid and created Thatcher.
The repeal of the ban on foxhunting.
No target to reduce CO2 emissions by 2020.
I can’t be more coherent right now. Please vote for a progressive coalition, and please keep your fingers crossed we won’t have a Tory PM tomorrow. If you need something else to stuff your nightmares, read Nigel Morris on the first day of the rest of our lives...
PS if you’re here from Gavagai, hello, and please stick around!
Dr Sophie Duncan is Fellow in English at Christ Church, University of Oxford. She works regularly as a historical advisor and as a dramaturg for theatre, TV, radio and film. She likes theatre, detective fiction and cocktails.